2007-11-14

2007-11-08

Facebook applications

Facebook is a social networking utility that connects YOU with the superficial douche bags around you.

In the last year or so, people have begun to become agitated by newly introduced applications sponsored by various spam-companies. The most popular application is the "stalker application" that allows one to know when friends comment each other, join/leave groups, hook up/break up, add photos, meet people, are in the shower, etc. Other applications include "graffiti wall", "Ninjas V Pirates", "Zombie club", "Entourage" and "Send a drink"

Although these new features are a contemporary product, they are still not modern and up to date with the throbbing pulse of our youth. New applications should be added. they should have catchy slogans and be allowed to access our information, put a box in our profile, email us weekly newsletters fabout Viagra discounts and then dump us when we leave the state.


Facebook applications that are just more useful:


"Track record"- a personalized forum open only to those who have been in a relationship with the applications user. This application can include various ratings (quality of body, personality, fellatio, car, etc), embarrassing threadable stories, roofie awards, and most importantly; the abortion count.

"Give superficial shit" would be sponsored by pretentious high end designer lines of various goods. People can pay full price for digital versions of clothes, accessories, phones, jewelry and grillz so that everyone who visits your page knows just how much better than them you are!

"Kryps V Bloods"- a virtual gangster society where people don't know that every person is white. You can design your own thug, commit e-drive by's, e-smack your digi-ho and mug other people of their "superficial shit"

"Dealers V Customers" is a hybrid of the "Zombie" and "Vs" applications in which you can "bite" people by selling them pot (1pt), pills (2pts) coke (3pts), crack (5pts) or even Substance D (7pts)

"FSA- Facebook-Stalkers-Anonymous" is a support application that cancels out every application on your account. When attempting to stalk manually, the application sends out an electronic signal through the user's mouse and shocks them.

"Hate crime count"- displays pictures of every Facebook member you have committed a hate crime against. Is very similar to the existing "Pedophile Count" and "Date-rape count"

"Give Meds"- is helpful for that friend who obviously needs an adderol, xanax, vicodin, roofie, whatever. This would help combat actual drug use by glorifying it on the Internet.

"Slutty Backstabbing Skank" is an application that allows people to receive a special alert when a designated friend has become single. This is a revolutionary tool since it is a common atrocity today that we have to navigate all the way to an object of affection's page only to find out that we cannot have sex with them!

"People you've never met" application would include a photo-journal of all those people you are "e-friends" with who have default pictures taken by themselves in the mirror since they don't have an actual friend (us Facebook people call them "Tangibles")

MV

2007-11-02

Great T-shirt Idea



Max's Dictionary

Friday, Nov 2-
Bisexual- (n/adj)
(a) Female attention whore
(b) The stage guys go through before they come out of the closet (see Emo)

Sat, Nov 3-
Douche- (n)
(a) My roommate
(b) That guy who called me a fagot on Halloween (apparently he didn't like my John Wayne Bobbit outfit...)
(c) The friend of that guy who called me a fagot on Halloween that punched me from behind
(d) Andy Dick

Sun, Nov 4-
Pussy- (n)
(a) that thing nobody who reads my blog wants to hear about
(b) anyone who wouldn't have stood up to that guy who called me a fagot on Halloween
(c) anyone who needs seven friends around to start a fight
(c) I think it refers to a small, domesticated feline too...

Mon, Nov 5-
Compton- (n)
(a) A place in Los Angeles that every rapper claims to be from
(b) A place in Los Angeles that too many white people act like they come from
(c) A good place for Jewish lightening to hit your car

Tues, Nov 6-
Literature- (n) blow-hards blowing hard

Weds, Nov 7-
Superman that Ho- (v?); the black people still won't tell me what it means until it's not cool anymore. It is most likely either:
(a) cumming on a girl's back/ass (See: tramp stamp) and not wiping it off so that she wakes up stuck to a bed sheet
OR
(b) flying out of there after you give your girl (AKA Chicken Head) herpes

Thurs, Nov 8-
Turbin- (n); a hat you can hide a bomb in

Fri, Nov 9-
Ironic- (adj)
(a) Full of iron.
(b) Me getting punched in the face for no good reason (karma excluded)
(c) Pogo the clown (right)